omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
