I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
