that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
