the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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