I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
