Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
