CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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