I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
