i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
