Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
