You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
