A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
