so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
