Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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