The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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