A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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