other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
