youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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