There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
