i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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