love makes seman taste better
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
