In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
