I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
