My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
