I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
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