I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
