On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
