My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
