Taylor Swift is so right about you.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The Olympian is in my bed
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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