explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
