Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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