What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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