Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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