4 words: hood of his car
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
did i just pee glitter
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize