If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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