my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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