next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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