NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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