hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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