I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize