Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize