Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
