I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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