my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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