I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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