How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
