Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
