I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Alive.
So much puke
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
