I'm lost and stupid without you.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
