I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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