now i know why i became what i already was.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
is wine microwaveable?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
