Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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