Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
