I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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