how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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