But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
