So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I think people are normalizing furries
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
