If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
