do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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