OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
