As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
