also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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