You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
wow bdsm is so cute
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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