Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
