I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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