she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
