i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
