You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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