some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
