I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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