its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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